On Starting Over

Recently, some old photos found their way to me. Photos from many, many years emotions ago. It seems like five lifetimes have passed since the photos were taken and also five lifetimes since I have sat down to write anything in this space. When I saw the photos, I cried… cried and cried and cried.

I cried because that moment in time is seared on my soul in a way that only grief and pain can burn. I cried because the photos contained all the tiny precious details that I couldn’t see then through the haze of my suffering. Mostly, I cried because it all turned out okay. It all turned out okay.

There are many reasons why I haven’t written in the intervening years between those photos and today. Some wounds take a very long time to heal.

But now… the desire to write anything has gotten so strong that I can no longer resist the pull to put fingers to keys. Perhaps I can write about the past with a clarity that only time and space can give. Perhaps I won’t write about the past at all. At the very least, I will write, which is something so deeply imbedded in the core of my being that I can’t believe I have let it go dormant this long.

I have committed to myself to write online mostly because it is the hardest thing for me to do. It seems weirdly foreign to me that I used to do it all the time. I really hate the idea of putting myself out there. I am plagued by insecurities. (Yes, many things in my life have changed but also many things have not.) Writing in a journal doesn’t work for me, I need to write with an audience in mind. (If a tree falls in the woods and I don’t write a blog post about it, did it really happen?)

To the eight or so people who read my blog before and might accidentally stumble upon it again—we have a lot to catch up on. So many things.

Here’s a quick summary of things that have happened to me since we last spoke:

(In no particular order)

—I tried out dating

—My sweet Momma passed away

—My Dad moved in with me

—I got married

—My kids learned to read

—I had another baby!

—I opened a retail business

—I got an Instant Pot

—I started hosting on AirBnB

—People (mostly) quit reading blogs on the Internet (I hope)

It’s hard to believe I managed to squeeze all of that into the last six or seven years. You can see why (a) I’ve been too busy to write and (b) I now feel like I have an enormous amount of creative content just waiting to be typed out.

In fact, any one of these things could be their own dedicated website or book. Here are some ideas for titles:

I tried out dating Jamie Sucks At Dating

My sweet Momma passed away Jamie Sucks At Dealing with Death, Grief, and Family Interactions

My Dad moved in with me Jamie Starts a Commune

I got married Jamie Doesn’t Have To Date Anymore

My kids learned to read Homeschooling Adventures with Jamie (Alternate Title: Be Careful What You Text)

I had another baby! Baby Adventures with Jamie (Alternate Title: I Forgot How Much Work This Was)

I opened a retail business Jamie Tries Not To Suck at Operating a Retail Business

I got an Instant Pot Jamie Feels Overwhelmed at New Technology But Tries Anyway + Recipes!

I started hosting on AirBnb Tales Of Terror From a Short Term Rental Host

People (mostly) quit reading blogs on the Internet (I hope) Jamie Feels Comfortable Writing Again

Oh…. where to begin?!?! So much ground to cover. Stay tuned.

xo

Jamie

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